He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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