the condom got lost in my hair
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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