im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
