Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
