What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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