the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
