She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
