All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
