CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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