Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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