So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
