Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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