My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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