you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
