If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize