Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
did i walk over a car last night?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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