im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
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At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
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If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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