So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
