how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
