Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
