...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
