ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
