Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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