watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i think i just lost a toe
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
