It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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