My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
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