Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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