My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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