Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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