don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
