Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just pee around me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
