part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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