well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
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He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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