He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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