I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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