I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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