I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You have to summon your inner elephant
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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