Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Houston, we have a blender
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
