accomplished twins. life is a go
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
