Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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