i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
