at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
