he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
