dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
