I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
