I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The adults are the big ones right?
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