Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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