yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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