People with herpes should wear stickers.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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