i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
