So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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