Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
