Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
