it wasn't lemon gatorade
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
