So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
