"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
