If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
A bitchslap is in order.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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