so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
