I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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