I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
