i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
