my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
