11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
