Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Randomize
