We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just pynch a tree in the face
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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