You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
