He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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