What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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