did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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