shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
