i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
