Redeem this text for a blowjob
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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