Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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