I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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