I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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