i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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