I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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