oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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